Till death do us part

"Till death do us part"
A vow,
That is insane.
It shouldn't be "till death"
Instead it should be:
Till I stop seeing the wonder in you.
Till I have no desire to be with you anymore.
Till I don't want make love to you anymore.
Till I can't stand your face anymore.
Till the sight of you makes me sick.

Till you break me and I cannot defend myself.
Till you suffocate me.

Till I can't stop thinking of someone else and cannot reconcile the two.
Till I secretly hope you will find someone new and leave me.
Till I do not know who I am and what I am feeling anymore.

Till I feel deeply unfulfilled.
Till all my happiness comes from other people.
Till we can't communicate anymore.
Till no amount of therapy can fix what is broken.
Till I do not see the sense in living anymore.

Till I feel unhappy.
Till I feel dead.

So no, I will never take that vow.
My life is too high of a price to pay.

To those afraid to jump

Do not fear, for you cannot imagine what the future holds for you.
Today you think you know reality, but tomorrow you will discover a new one.

You think there is only A or B, but you'll be surprised by the C that life will throw at you.
Things will happen to you that you cannot even imagine today.

You'll meet people you thought only existed in movies.
You'll meet people that will surprise you.
You'll meet people that will touch you.
The people you'll meet will be your mirrors,
Each and every one of them helping you to see yourself through a different angle.
Helping you to know yourself.

You'll experience feelings that you haven't felt before.
Live things that were unimaginable.
You'll discover that the world is not just black or write
You will dive into the myriads of shades of grey.

Feelings that will sweep you off your feet.
Feelings that will make you scream in an extatic delirium.
Desire, desire, oh desire...!
Feelings that might drag you down to the deepest depths.
A pain that will cut your breath and drive a dagger straight through your heart.
A pain that will make you bleed for days, weeks, months perhaps..

But then life will come and surprise you once more.
A new encounter, a new experience, a new story.

As long as you're alive it will never be "over".
"Over" is when you die.
"Over" is when you give up on life.
"Over" is when you accept to die before your physical body does.
"Over" is when you give up hope.
"Over" is when you kill your feelings.
"Over" is when you commit suicide.

We all catch and let go.
Of people, places, lives, attitudes, philosophies.

So make this time on earth a good one.
Live many lives in one.
Don't let your life be a one-way street.
Open yourself to life and all the experiences it has to offer.
BE ALIVE.

Fountain of Love

Love springs like a fountain from inside me.
Like water, tons of love pour out of my heart and into the world.

Towards those that touch me with their words.
Towards those that touch me with their acts.
Towards those that touch me with their presence.

Towards those I love today, tomorrow, forever or just for a moment.
Towards all those people I love in so many different ways.

Love overflow

Have you ever experienced a "love overflow" ? A moment where everything and everyone (even that person with the irritating face) seems lovable? When you feel ready to love and understand anyone?

I have been having those moments lately (and no, I was not drunk. Although I admit that it does happen when I get tipsy too :p).
Love seems to be overflowing and I want to share!!!

But I don't... Cause I am afraid of this:

And this:

So I just keep my feelings to myself...

The same happens with friends too. Sometimes they are so wonderfully themselves that I just want to kiss or hug them!

But again, I am afraid that I might shock them, that I might make them feel uncomfortable...
So again, I keep my feelings to myself...

Since I am afraid to actually express my feelings with actions, perhaps I should start by simply saying what I feel... (If that is not too much either...?) Hmmm....

Well, for the moment, I will misuse this blog to give a digital outlet to my feelings. So, to all of you wonderful friends that I have never hugged or kissed at a random moment (i.e. beside the moments when we say hello or good-bye), I am sending you a HUGE HUG right here!

 BIG KISS! Philo :)

Shirts and animosities

As I put on my white shirt this morning, while getting ready for a job interview (in a sector that requires being dresses "professionally"), I felt an instant pang of discomfort.

Something in that white shirt was suffocating. I felt trapped inside a white carcass. A carcass that tries too hard to contain me. The rigid colar was framing my neck, as if holding it in a straight position. The aggressive lines of the garment, and its rigid material was concealing the fluidity and curves of my body, trying to transform it into a cube!

Things got worse for me once I arrived at the interview. The woman explained how it is of fundamental importance to have an impeccable appearance. "Impeccable"; that word just makes a chill run down my spine. We all are humans, we all have flaws. But no, in the world of bussiness it is crucial that you erase (or hide) these flaws. Here you have no right to be a human of flesh and bones. Here we have agreed to look "perfect" (God forbid you ever realize that you are dealing with a human!).

Of course after "impeccable", followed a whole other list about how we are expected to look (tied-back hair, subtle but still visible make-up for women, no beard and short hair for men etc) and behave like. No room for personality, no room for self-expression. I felt that we are expected to be a perfectly oiled piece of machinery in this job and not a human.

The above has not always been a problem for me. There was a time where I heartily believed in the necessity of all of this, and I might even have felt empowered behind this impersonal uniform. I would probably have called someone with the above reaction an oversensitive hippie or a problemseeker.

But today I do have the above reaction. I do find these kind of uniforms de-humanising and I believe that they can even inspire cruel behaviour. Cause your clothes say:
1) You wear our clothes, you wear our values. Your personal opinion doesn't matter: you have to conform.
2) It is not you who is acting. It is not even a human who is acting. You serve and express the company. You are a simple mechanical extention of the company (replace company with any other institution you wish to imagine, e.g. state, military).

So, am I oversensitive? Have I become a problemseeker? After that interview, a part of me wanted to rip of this white shirt, tear it into pieces and burn it in a public square. An other part of me told me to relax and let it go: it's just a piece of cloth.

Je bent er

Je bent er en dat is dat.

Geen enkele theorie verandert dat.

Al heet je Jan, Kees of Klaas,

of ben je die vervelende baas.

Geen idee waarom je er bent.

Raak daar maar eens aan gewend.

Aardse worst

Ik ben bevrijd,

van eeuwige bedroefdheid!

Ik wilde weten hoe alles zat,

zozeer dat ik mezelf vergat.

Ik had geen trek in aardse kost,

nee, geef mij maar liever die abstracte worst!